The authentic ‘British summer holiday’ experience

Ey’up Weather Whingers. As thee been enjoying the waaaaaarm weather? I’ve been hiding from the sun most of the week, I must admit. Gone are the days of lounging around soaking up the sun with a Yorkshire pud in one hand and pint of John Smiths in the other. These days I’d be happy if I didn’t have to keep retrieving my bosom from my armpits when trying to sleep, where they’ve created some sort of suction effect thanks to the constant perspiration from every pore. I’m led to believe that for those with extra appendages in the downstairs region, a similar phenomenon occurs between the inner thigh and the goolies.

Keep your balls in order

Then there’s the difficult decision of what to sleep in. It’s too hot to wear much, but I’m absolutely over waking up to find that one of my boobs has already gone downstairs to make breakfast!

So you might well be glad to hear that things will be on the cooler side in the coming week. The temperature will be an acceptable 20ish°C throughout the week, gradually declining towards the end (don’t we all?). Each day will begin with sunny intervals. Sunny intervals will hang around just long enough for you to think it’s going to be a fine day and head off on a day out in sandals and shorts, maybe a cardi for if it gets chilly. Once you’re out and about, things will turn and we’ll be having showers in the afternoon.

Of course, this is to be expected now most if not all schools have broken up for the summer holidays. And why not? Doesn’t everyone enjoy taking along clothing to allow for every weather eventuality when they go for a day in the park, or by the seaside? Though it could be argued that this is where the children we spawn come in really handy, as convenient – if annoyingly chatty – pack horses.

Huddersfield Times

Your Proper Local News.

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